So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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