I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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