I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
