Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
