I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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