You're a womanizer and a bitch.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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