He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
