oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
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Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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