then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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