we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
