rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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