Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
