i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
