I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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