He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize