just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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