yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
