u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
