I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
