I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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