He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
