see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
