TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
