Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
