shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
