SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
