Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
