I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
