I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
