summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
