I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
