where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
