My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
