yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
