is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
