i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
