She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
