Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
