he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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