i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
