i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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