I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
