I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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