I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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