while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize