forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
