..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
