He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
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Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i now understand why vodka
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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