I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there's paper in my vomit.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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