but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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