I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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