you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize