My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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