Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
