I cut my penus on the lid.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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