If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
