you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
