I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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