first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize