you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
