I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
two words...techno handjob
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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