to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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