Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize