Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
