How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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