You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
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My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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